“There was a time in our marriage when I felt trapped.”
(Please know this was not about abuse and I am not addressing abuse in this post.)
In a discussion about divorce a friend (not divorced) described a time when she had several children of homeschooling age and a couple of preschoolers, her husband was going to work every day, money was tight, and she was exhausted. All of this led to her feeling trapped in a hard situation.
She persevered through the feeling of being trapped and now all the children are grown, productive adults. She now praises God that she can see the fruit of her perseverance.
Marriage is not always easy, especially when there are children involved. Life has its difficulties but with the Spirit of God and our own willingness to do things His way, we can be freed from any “trap.”
What is obvious today is that if a woman says she feels trapped, she will find a multitude of counselors who will encourage her to “get out now.” Obedience to God’s Word to persevere in the trial is not considered, only the feelings of the one we want to “help.” But James tells us there is a reward in sticking it out through a time of trial:
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4
God uses these times to strengthen us and our faith when we adjust our thinking to His ways rather than allowing our feelings to rule our decisions. Our immediate happiness is not the purpose of this life.
Having known this friend for a while now, the other thing that I can see that she may not see is that by her faithfully working through that difficult time her family benefitted greatly. One part of the Titus 2 “older woman” role that we put very little emphasis on is that older women are to teach younger women to “be working at home” (ESV). Other versions translate this as “good homemakers” (NAS), homemakers (NKJV), and “domestic” (RSV).
As wives and mothers, when we fail to persevere through more difficult times, we tear down rather than build up our home, even teaching our children to run from troubles rather than facing them. Sadly, some women listen to counselors who are too quick to help tear down. Even if in our circumstances we are not jolly, happy wives and are maybe even a bit depressed, dutiful homemaking brings the family benefits in the long run. Our view of the future needs to be a long term, generational one, considering the family a priority.
Maybe, for a time, this wife and mother only needs to do the basics. As “older women” would we recognize a young mother in this situation? Are we willing to counsel her to persevere, to “hold her arms up in the battle?” As sisters in Christ, are we willing to give up some of our own comfort to remind this wife and mother that this is period of time that she will be most grateful that she persevered to get through, honoring God and prioritizing her family?
Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.1 Corinthians 15:58
