The High Bar

Even a child is known by his actions; by whether his conduct is pure and right. Proverbs 20:11

The end of every school year seems to bring on the recap of the year for students. In the home schooling community it is even greater because parents feel more responsible for the teaching of their children. They are already thinking about what curriculum they can get for next year that might fill in any gaps they see now.

The fact is that it is good to evaluate the progress of every student so they can “catch up” if they need to with basic skills. The key word there is that “they” can catch up. There may need to be some expectation from a parent that studies will continue through the summer in an area in which a student is deficient.

I can hear the groans of parents at the thought of assigning work to a child throughout the summer. This is where we need to set a high bar. For years now we have been so concerned with a child’s self-esteem that we have failed to teach them self-respect. When a child esteems himself he sees no need to go any farther than he desires. When a child is taught self-respect, he will want to do the best he can do.

In his book, “Parenting by the Book,” John Rosemond points out the difference. Esteem, he explains, is synonymous with worship. A person with high self-esteem becomes his own idol. Self-respect concentrates on responsibility to others. Therefore, a person with high self-esteem will only do something that will ultimately help himself. A person with self-respect will look for ways to make a positive contribution to his/her community (family, church, employment, etc.). (“Parenting by the Book,” p 74-75).

Summer school work, like all work a child is given, requires a high bar of expectations to encourage self-respect. Every child should have chores or responsibilities from a fairly young age. When they do, a summer assignment is understood as a requirement, not a suggestion.

The hardest part for many parents is ensuring that they complete the work. A high bar gives a child (from elementary ages up) the work with clearly marked consequences for not completing it. This might be anything from limited time in their favorite activities to the larger picture of still being behind when the school year starts. Neither of these will hurt a child if he fails to do the work but either will help them gain self-respect and responsibility for their own education if they succeed at completing it.

Parents who nag, sit with their child so they do the work, or do it for them, are actually lowering the bar. A low bar tells a child we really do not believe they can do the work without us. If they can’t, it may be because they don’t think we expect them to.

Deuteronomy 6:6-8 makes it clear that parents have the primary responsibility for their child’s education in all areas of life. When we do things God’s way, we raise children who will be productive citizens who will respect themselves and others – just as the Lord tells us to do (Philippians 2:3-4).

Most kids are capable of work beyond what we expect. Will you set the bar high and let them reach for it? A low bar may help with self-esteem. A high bar will grow their self-respect.