We tend to think too highly of ourselves.  By that, I mean that I tend to think too highly of myself and maybe others do too.  Specifically, I’m referring to believing I know the motives of other people.  Sometimes I get insulted by what a spouse-friend-teacher-grandchild does (or doesn’t do) and I’m insulted because I’m sure I “know” his or her motive.  Sound familiar?

Lots of Christian self-help books have examples of this. One example I remember well was in a book by a well known author. She and her husband had become friends with a new couple that had started attending their church. They had spent a few evenings out to dinner and the author and her husband had hosted them for dinner in their own home. But, the invitation was never reciprocated. After a period of time they had never seen their new friend’s home. The author was bothered. What had she done or said that would have caused her new friend not to want her in her home?

She complained to her husband who suggested she talk to the friend. One Sunday morning the opportunity presented itself for her to tell her friend how slighted she felt. The friend was embarrassed and mortified. The lack of hospitality had nothing to do with them. The thought of practicing hospitality scared this woman to death. They never invited anyone to their home because it created so much anxiety for her.

What a relief to know there was nothing wrong between the two couples. Should more of us be willing to go and start that difficult conversation?

It is concerning that we are living in a time when people seem to think that we must all have the same set of standards; the same idea of what is funny, what is a sensitive topic, what it means to love or hate or what we are to accept or reject. If two people do not agree on any of these things, must it create anger or friction?

In Romans 8:29 which says, “For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren,” it’s clear that God intends for His people to be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ. Christ, the One who willingly went to the cross to take the punishment for our sin. He forgives us when we slight Him, when we get our doctrine wrong, when we are trying to be funny and miss the mark. For those who believe, the Word of God says that He has removed our sin from us as far as the East is from the West.

Can I not overlook it when someone slights me?  Can you? When I feel slighted, does that mean there has necessarily been sin? No. Proverbs 19:11 seems to apply: The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.  When we don’t know the motive behind every action of those with whom we interact, can we pray about it, let it go, or simply ask them to tell us what they were thinking or doing?

What’s worse: falsely attributing motives or the discomfort of asking?  If the motives were truly unfriendly we have to consider forgiveness. If not, then we can proceed amicably.

How much ministry is thwarted or undermined because someone who was hurt could not get past her own understanding of someone else’s actions?

He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him.           Proverbs 18:13