Are there Christians holding a grudge against someone who has hurt them in the past because they don’t really believe God when He says, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay?” (from Romans 12:19)
Do unforgiveness, bitterness, and malice toward those who have hurt us keep us so preoccupied with, “anger, wrath, malice, and filthy language” (Colossians 3:8) that we fail to trust God to keep His Word about taking vengeance?
Many years ago, during what a friend called “a messy church situation” where I was feeling truly wronged (sinned against) by church leadership, I fought that root of bitterness that comes from holding a grudge. Most others were not willing to speak up. But I was reminded again and again that going to the people personally and making my case again was not fruitful. This clearly needed to be in the Lord’s hands.
The fact that it felt like God was not intervening in a church situation where people were getting hurt was very difficult. The fact that others in leadership were remaining silent was stunning. Of course, I have seen that the Lord was at work – mostly in me until I came to the point where I could let it go and trust it all to God’s wisdom and justice.
To this day I do not know how this got resolved beyond the Word of God bringing to my attention that God will take vengeance on those who need vengeance. Not the people I think require it but those whose hearts He knows and will bring justice to as He wills. This took months!
The root of bitterness is a terrible thing to carry with us. It is a weight that takes a toll on us spiritually but can also do so physically. Roots of bitterness can literally make us sick (as it did with me). Hebrews 12:14-15 instruct us, “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.”
This is a warning that bitterness can lead to apostacy. It can cause us to turn away from the things of God. The dictionary defines it like this:
BIT’TERNESS, n. [from bitter.]
- In a figurative sense, extreme enmity, grudge, hatred; or rather an excessive degree or implacableness of passions and emotions; as the bitterness of anger. (Eph. 4)
- Sharpness; severity of temper.
There is more there but just from this two definitions we can see that being bitter is terrible for a relationship. In many cases that bitterness spills over to others who are innocent of any wrong doing. Our husbands and children see and have to face the anger that comes out of us. Does an angry, bitter person know she is hurting others?
When we fail to allow God to do His promised work of being the One to take vengeance on our enemies, He is not honored and others take the brunt of our bitterness as we hold that grudge.
There are two biblical remedies beyond trusting God with the vengeance to strengthen our resolve. They are forgiveness and thanksgiving. Forgiving does not require an invitation for Sunday dinner. One form of forgiveness is to let the “wrong” go (Mark 11:25) and allow the Lord to be the one to bring justice. We may not see it. We must trust God to keep His promises.
Thanksgiving is for the peace and relief we feel when we truly give it over to God and live in that peace that surpasses all understanding.
So, if we want peace, internally and in our homes, grudges have to go. Take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and thank the Lord that He is faithful, even when people are not.
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled. 2 Corinthians 10:4-6