We live in a day in which the family plan given to us in the Scripture is challenged, mocked, and scorned as much as any Biblical truth. The bigger problem seems to be that because of the cultural influence by feminists and those who agree with them, even men and women in the church have a skewed view of our biblical roles.
There was recently an article that mentioned the 50/50 work split that most people now expect in order to call a marriage a good one. What I found disturbing was that the emphasis was clearly on the 50% that the female writer thought she should never be responsible to do. She was not specific but seemed to be talking about housework.
What this article did not spend any time on was our biblical roles and responsibilities as a wife or a husband. It seems we have completely lost the first teaching we get in the scripture regarding a man and a woman:
“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him… So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:18, 21-24.
Two thoughts worth noting in these verses are “helper” and the two become “one flesh.” Does anyone remember being taught this? As a helper we are to recognize and remember that it was “not good for man to be alone.” The Lord saw the need of His created man and provided the woman to meet the need of helper and companion. This is God’s assigned role for a wife.
Jesus reiterated this truth of “the two become one” when the Pharisees asked Him about divorce in Mark 10:6-9, “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Both the husband and wife are 100% responsible to fulfill their individual roles in marriage but the roles are different. There should be no accounting of how much cleaning or laundry he did versus how much she did. Rather, as the wife we should honor our husbands as a “helper.” The home is our domain. If it is clean, organized, and we act responsibly regarding finances, we are being helpful. If we bring a second income that allows us to still prioritize what’s happening at home, no problem. Look at all the Proverbs 31 wife does that contributes spiritually, practically, and financially to the good of her husband and children.
The point of the biblical roles for men and women is to form one union that honors God and builds a family that obeys His Word, raises children to love and serve Him, and all this results in good for them and glory to God.
With a skewed view of these roles in marriage, we face too many divorces and too much turmoil in Christian homes. If we approach our marriages with, “How can I fulfill my role as helper” rather than focusing on what our husbands haven’t done, marriage will be a more pleasant place for both.
[NOTE: In this article I am addressing women. It is not my intent to dismiss the role of the man to sacrificially love his wife or to cherish her and serve her and his family (which may mean he needs to step in and clean the house if she can’t). That’s an article for another day.]
