A couple came into the same waiting area I was in. The wife, with shoulder length gray hair, took a seat while the husband checked in to see the doctor. He was asked to wait until he heard his name called. He walked over and sat next to a lady with shoulder length gray hair. This one was not his wife. He was embarrassed the minute he realized it and his wife turned to the woman and with a little attitude in her voice said, “Believe me, you can have him.”
No one laughed. The husband sheepishly changed seats to the one next to his wife.
Two Bible verses came to my mind:
- Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Ephesians 5:33 (emphasis mine)
- Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)
There was no reason to think that these two were Christians, but even when mentoring Christian women things are said that are very disrespectful about husbands. Corrupt words can corrupt a marriage. If a wife will say these words with a negative attitude to her husband in public, what is he hearing at home?
Some may say that we don’t know what he has done to earn her ire so he may have deserved it. Christian wife, if you see tendencies in the way your husband talks to you or treats you in general that would result in your resentment, as his helpmate you should bring this to his attention. A great place to start is with Matthew 18: 15-17: Point it out to him. If he will not hear you, then bring in someone else, preferably someone who has heard or seen how he treats you, and if he will not hear them, go to the elders of the church to confront him.
Belittling anyone in a public way is not a constructive way to build up the person or strengthen a relationship. Ephesians 4:29 (above) is clear that we should be more focused on building one another up than tearing each other down. There is no grace in words that humiliate or degrade a person, especially our husbands.
These “little” jabs are often defended as humor but if today’s experience was the norm, no one felt obligated to chuckle because we did not know them and the husband was clearly not amused. There was no grace for those who heard and no humor in her tone of voice.
I pray that Christian women will get serious about their marriages, that we will understand that the way we treat our husbands sets an example for our children and their children. Why would we teach our kids to disrespect their father or their future husbands? Why would a husband trust a wife who uses corrupting talk about their marriage?
Are our own lives examples for others to follow with regard to how we treat the men we have promised to love and are commanded by God to respect? If they are not the perfect husbands we hoped for, how might that change if we treated them with respect and love?
Perhaps this incident might have actually been funny if the state of marriage and family were not, at present, a complete disaster.
But in these times, there is nothing funny about the state of marriage and family, as pain and heartache seriously outpace happiness and peace.