Posts Tagged ‘hear’

They are to teach what is good. Titus 2:3b

Thank God that He teaches us through the mistakes we make. I have made my fair share of them in relationships, whether mentoring or with friends.

In mentoring, many women come wanting to grow in faith or knowledge of Biblical truth. Others come with more immediate problems they would like to solve.

Friendships between women are often lived out in words. We want to be face to face with each other and talk until we are done or out of time.

Although in both cases I try to listen and respond in a sensitive and Godly way, there are times when that just doesn’t happen.

Following are five mistakes I’ve made. I pray you can avoid them:

1. I responded too soon. This means I tried to give a response to a situation because, in my pride, I was sure of what the other woman was going to say. I was trying to fix a problem I didn’t completely understand.

Hearing the whole story may take more time but it will also be more fruitful for the mentee (or friend) if we fully understand what is happening with her.

2. I went in cocky, thinking “I” knew how to fix her problem. In reality “my” wisdom will not help like the wisdom of God. When I go in thinking I have the answer, it is difficult to listen to the Holy Spirit’s promptings.

A more humble reliance on God and His Word serves our mentee or friends better than our prideful answers.

3. I waited too long to point out sin. In my compassion for someone’s circumstances I thought it would be harsh to point out sin early in our mentoring relationship. Pretending that her sin didn’t matter as much as her pain, ultimately led to more pain.

Sin, permitted to go unchecked, leads to greater sin or greater consequences.

4. Once, right after a painful confession, a mentee had to move. In my mind, if she wanted to continue the relationship, she would contact me. So, I never followed up with her, a lapse I regret. She was in an emotionally weak state and I was expecting confident behavior. I should have called her.

For a woman to feel cared about the more mature Christian needs to make the first move.

5. Though I have gotten better at this, I used to hate silence during a conversation. I would fill in the gaps, wanting to keep things moving.

Sometimes, more real progress is made when silence allows, or forces, the other person to speak.

“Hindsight is twenty-twenty.” Mentoring, like all other new things we do, has a learning curve. But, if we never make mistakes, it means we have never tried to come along side someone in need. The women I have mentored have been gracious and forgiving, for which I am grateful.

I am also grateful that through continuing to do the work, asking God to show me when I make errors, and the wisdom of those I have mentored (as some were willing to tell me about my errors), I have learned and grown by God’s grace.

Will you risk making a few mistakes for the benefit of a sister (or friend) in the Lord?