For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12
A young woman said to me recently, “I need a battle plan.” She is fighting the demon called pornography in her marriage.
In my pride, when I have talked to her, I think, “I” need to understand all that is happening so “I” can help her fight this battle. My battle plan was all about me.
The request for a “battle plan” refocused my attention. I am not the general of any armies. I am not the King of any Kingdoms. My job is to provide support, not be the whole army!
Pornography is part of the “spiritual darkness” and the “spiritual forces of evil,” that Ephesians 6:12 (top) mentions. Sadly, no woman is capable of turning her husband from this evil. She can and must take a stance against it. She can and must insist on consequences if there is no change.
There are several steps the wife of the pornography addict needs to take.
Gain Understanding: It is an addiction.
By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. Proverbs 24:3
Several good books have been written that provide insight into the addiction and what a wife’s response should be. Understanding and wisdom will help a wife stay and execute the battle plan.
Shine a Light on the problem:
Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. Ephesians 5:11
Pornography is a sin that largely happens, and is kept, in the dark. Men and women are too ashamed of it to bring it into the light. Into the light, it must come. Once it is in the light an addict will need help to break free. This is hard, but if no one knows about the addiction of pornography, there is little motivation to change.
Pray: even when it looks impossible.
But he said, “What is impossible with men is possible with God.” Luke 18:27
The understanding and acknowledgement that only God can help a man caught in addiction will keep you from the guilt of, “I am not enough” thinking. Pornography addictions have nothing to do with a wife who isn’t enough.
Nurture Your Marriage
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 1 Peter 3:1-2
Though a porn addiction is a big problem, it is not all of the marriage. In any way possible, respect him, speak the truth in love to him, be kind and generous in every Godly thing. God has instituted marriage and will use it to grow our faith and understanding of who He is. This will be a big test of your commitment to your man and your marriage.
He is able.
For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted. Hebrews 2:18 (Also, Hebrews 7:25)
We need to take our minds off what we plan to do and focus on the battle plan that has the Lord as General and King.
If you or someone you know is struggling with a husband addicted to porn – will you create a battle plan, or help someone else to do so?
 This is the one I have used with others and found helpful: When Your Husband is Addicted to Pornography, Healing Your Wounded Heart, Vicki Teade, New Growth Press